What I Do Instead to Save People

I used to get into places where I tried to save others. When they were friends, family or even strangers I thought that my interference would fix them. Eventually, I learned that this mentality – while perpetually waterlogged – is apparently incredibly ableist as well.

Take Away the Need to Rescue

The first change in how I view things was a clearer understanding of the significance of individual agency. All of us are on our own paths and sometimes all we can do is be there for someone, not try to fix everything. I have realized that the desire to 'save' can also damage their capacity to learn and grow from life.

The Importance of Empathy vs. Presence

I no longer try to swoop in and fix problems, but I work hard at building empathy. With this method, I can empathize with the struggles of another without feeling as though it is my job to solve those problems. So instead of instructing women to make better choices — which is no help without knowing who they are and where their decisions will lead or why these consequences matter — hearing; meeting, holding space for them became my main source of response.

Encouraging Self-Reliance

Self-sufficiency is also a very important part of my new philosophy. I don't give you the answer, instead I ask open-ended questions to bring out your strengths and potential. It gives them a sense of control, and ownership over their situation as well which can be very freeing.

Practicing Self-Care

Understanding my urge for support was sapping the energy from which I wanted to help others motivated me decide that caring about myself had become a priority. What has helped is acknowledging that I can only be a supportive friend and family member if I am in the right mind set to help. Likewise, doing things that feed my soul — such as reading or meditating or being outside in nature — allow me to show up more fully for the people I love.

Connecting with Community

And a second thing has been the community piece. I am proud to have more meaningful, richer discussions and problem solving with groups that value mutual support over dependency. These connections serve as reminders that anyone going through this has others out there with the same challenge, and further open my eyes to conflicts other than just mine.

Conclusion

Here are five things I learned in my journey away from rescuing people. Through empathy, self reliance, and connecting with the community (self care) I've found a way to continue supporting those close tome. It has taken the world off of my shoulders and allowed me to contribute so much more positively in my relationships than I otherwise would have. And at last, the greatest present I can give to anyone—a faith in themselves that they hold within them all the power needed to find their way.